The Duality of Fullness
Lately, I’ve been thinking constantly: “everything feels like a lot.”
But not in a totally falling-apart kind of way — more in a there’s-so-much-life-happening-all-at-once kind of way.
Kind of like overall, in the grand scheme of things, I’m hitting the lottery — life really is so good! But also, there are some super crappy situations and challenging circumstances thrown into the mix.
And more than anything, it feels like I’m trying to drink from a fire hose — parched to the max on a hot day in the desert, wanting a sip of water more than anything in the world, but it’s coming so fast and so strong that I’m barely getting any.
Have you had seasons like that?
My guess is yes.
Maybe you’re in the thick of it right now, too, dear friend.
Most aspects of life are going really well, and I’m deeply grateful for that. But at the same time, there are some things that are really heavy on my heart — difficult things happening to people I care about deeply — and very little I can do to help, other than show my love and support.
And then, there’s always something that needs attention, fixing, deciding, or letting go of.
Lastly, there are the little things… like quite a few surfaces in my house that desperately need to be painted (I’m looking at you, trim on the doorways, where the kids used to climb). But that may never get done, lol. Because life.
It’s the wild blend of joy and exhaustion, gratitude and overwhelm — like my heart and my to-do list are both overflowing at once.
And it all has me wondering — how is such duality even possible?
The Beautiful Chaos of an Ordinary Day
Take the other day. I won’t bore you with the details, but from the time I left home at 7:30 a.m. until I returned twelve hours later, I had been to eight different places. I had zig-zagged across town and back several times, and there was no more efficient way to have done it all. It was what it was.
That day was full to the brim. It almost felt like more than I could handle.
But in the car, in between one thing and the next, something beautiful kept happening.
The Magic in the In-Between
Each time I was alone, I made a concerted effort to tune into how I was feeling and what I needed in that moment — a comedy podcast, a quick meditation, even just silence. Being mindful like this can be so powerful. I think it's the ultimate self-care — tapping into our feelings and giving ourselves what we need.
And each time it was just me and one of the kids — the hum of the road beneath us, our hair blowing in the breeze with the windows open on that gorgeous day, the gigantic full moon hanging low and orange in the sky that evening — the world slowed down.
We’d talk about something random, or something deep.
Sometimes we’d just sit quietly.
Sometimes we’d listen to a very popular new album, humming along to the parts that we didn’t know the words to yet. (Fellow moms of teen girls whose daughters’ wrists are stacked with beaded bracelets — you've probably experienced these moments too, especially this month!)
Being with the kids, regardless of quiet or music blasting, I’d feel this deep appreciation welling up in me — knowing that in a few short years, I won’t have anyone to drive around anymore.
It’s such a bittersweet kind of love — wanting time to slow down while also knowing how much I love the movement of this season.
Learning to Be Present
If you had told me years ago that motherhood would become one of my greatest sources of joy, I might not have believed you. There was a time I wasn’t sure I even wanted kids — not because I didn’t love the idea of family, but because I worried I wouldn’t live up to the kind of parent I wanted to be.
But here I am — doing it, loving it, learning as I go.
And I’ve realized that I don’t need perfection.
I just need presence.
As much presence as possible, please.
When Full Still Feels Like a Lot
And yet, even in the good, the gratitude, the fullness — it still feels like a lot sometimes.
Because love is a lot.
Life is a lot.
And maybe that’s the point.
When I start to feel it all closing in — the schedules, the noise, the constant motion, the things outside of my control — I remind myself to pause.
To breathe.
And sometimes, that pause needs to be bigger — more than a breath, more than a moment.
I’ve had seasons when the “lot” felt heavier than what I could untangle on my own, and seeking help from a therapist was the best way to navigate those times. Because sometimes the kindest thing we can do for ourselves is to say, “I need a little help carrying this,” and we must find what works for us.
These days, I’ll reach for a favorite essential oil, take one deep inhale, and let that simple ritual draw me back to center. Or I'll listen to a guided meditation, or go for a walk, or call my husband or a friend, or do whatever else feels right in the moment. Sometimes chocolate is required, lol.
It’s not about escaping the “lot.”
Oh no, it’s definitely not about that.
It’s about letting it soften into something sacred — about finding beauty and meaning and fulfillment in the little moments, which really are the big ones when you take time to contemplate what matters most.
A Full Life Is a Gift
Because this is what I once dreamed of — even the chaos, even the car rides, even the long days that end in quiet reflection.
And when everything feels like a lot, I try to remember…
It’s because my life is full.
And full is a gift.
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